Jian Lili × Li Ying × Li Miao: Too Much Violence and Harm Exists in What We Mistake for Love

Activists warn everyday control is violence

Li Ying (李莹), founder of the “Guarding a Future Without Violence” public‑interest project, told Huxiu in a recent interview that much of what people call “love” in China masks coercion and control. She and her team—lawyers, volunteers, psychologists and social workers—have helped hundreds of women and children escaping domestic violence over more than two decades. When does concern become control? When does protection become prison? Those are the questions Li says victims and helpers face every day.

Beyond bruises: economic, psychological and sexual abuse

The interview detailed how Chinese society still normalizes many forms of harm. Physical injury is only one dimension. Li explained that international definitions of domestic violence include physical, psychological, sexual and economic control; examples in her caseload range from partners who monopolize family finances to those who monitor phones, isolate victims from friends, or use shame to silence them. One high‑profile case Li defended, reportedly the inspiration for the film I Passed Through the Storm, ended with a woman killing her husband after prolonged abuse; the case was later cited among the Supreme People’s Court’s typical anti‑domestic‑violence cases in 2023.

Law, culture and enforcement gaps

China passed the Anti‑Domestic Violence Law in 2015 (effective 2016), but Li and colleagues argue legislation has not fully shifted cultural attitudes or court practice. It has been reported that experts found a majority of offenders in intentional injury and homicide cases began with family violence—yet judges and prosecutors still struggle to treat domestic‑abuse harm as seriously as public violent crime. Victims who remain unharmed physically can face difficulty obtaining divorce or protection orders because courts often look for visible injuries as decisive evidence. Cultural narratives—“he loves you, he’s just strict,” or “you’re being too picky”—continue to silence survivors.

A call for preventive, systemic change

The message from Li and fellow commentators is clear: prevention and support must go beyond emergency shelter and prosecution. Education to reframe obedience as not equal to respect, economic autonomy for survivors, and more sensitive evidentiary standards in courts are among the proposals. Without systemic change, the pattern will likely continue: private violence becomes public tragedy. How many more lives will have to be wrecked before “love” is no longer used to excuse harm?